It started after an evening meal.
Five hours in I broke.
The helpline said an ambulance would soon arrive.
All night dressed and waiting. Bent.
Yet no-one came.
Ten hours later, I struggled off
Now doctors were taking an interest.
Usually a bad sign.
I got a little cubicle, to myself. Less stressful.
For an introvert.
“It’s not your appendix, but
we’ve found a shadow on the scan.”
A shadow. I didn’t like the sound of that.
Vague, yet somehow ominous.
A colonoscopy was next.
Then CT with contrast dye.
The call occurred one Friday in October.
“Consultant wants to see you.”
“Can’t we talk by phone?” I asked.
“No. We need you to attend.
A nurse will be there, too.”
I knew, of course, my luck had gone.
Good news didn’t travel
quite this way.
“Stage 3 bowel cancer”
the diagnosis, came.
4 weeks til they cut me open.
Chopped half my colon out.
Yet blood leaks through such tumours.
They found me too anaemic, for the surgery.
During an iron transfusion I collapsed.
Caught a virus
in their waiting room.
Lungs congested, on the day.
delayed, another month.
More time to fret.
through December’s dark
at 6.45 (am)
across a rather quiet city
toward an opaque
Amid those distant lights.
Taking in its sights.
with the thought
of a slicing
Since being discharged from hospital, three days before Christmas 2021,
I’ve been writing a (first) novel.
Hadn’t quite realised how exhausting that would be.
Hence my absence from blogging.
Multitasking is hard for me. I feel a need for sticking obsessively at one thing.
Sadly, I haven’t written a poem since my last blog post.
I’m even anxious that moving back to poems might lose the flow of prose.
Its narrative arc, focus, and intensity.
Plus those inspirations for slogging away, trying to reach that distant summit,
of the word mountain.
(An actual end.)
As Cancer is my starsign, too, and birthday week has come around, again,
I thought to write a piece: explaining this extended absence, from WordPress.
I want to return to poetry, once the novel is finished.
Hopefully, before 2022 is over.
(I’m 27,000 words / 16 chapters in, so far. Past half way.
Slow progress. But my energy levels are low, due to chronic illness.)
Wishing a big
to all my followers. ❤️
I am very grateful for your patience. 🤗
I still log in (irregularly). Then, greatly enjoy other people’s writing, art, drawing, photography.
(And leaving likes.😄)
Sorry if this post seems tedious, yet I wished to update everyone on my situation,
rather than just let a long silence continue, unclarified.
I have not abandoned blogging, or poetry.
(Ab)Normal ramblings may even be resumed,
By winter time…
Comments are always very welcome! 🌞
Bye for now!
(PS: Any art, or photography, on this blog is mine. Hope you like it? 🙏)
( anxiety / art / blog / blogging / drawing / illness / life / photography / poem / poems / poetry / prose / reading / writing )