Cancer

 

It started after an evening meal.
The pain.

Five hours in I broke.
And phoned.
The helpline said an ambulance would soon arrive.
Not so.

All night dressed and waiting. Bent.
Stomach-holding. Sofa-bound.
Yet no-one came.

Ten hours later, I struggled off
to A&E,
alone.

 

Now doctors were taking an interest.
Usually a bad sign.
I got a little cubicle, to myself. Less stressful.
For an introvert.

“It’s not your appendix, but 
we’ve found a shadow on the scan.”

A shadow. I didn’t like the sound of that.
Vague, yet somehow ominous.

A colonoscopy was next.

Then CT with contrast dye.

 

Konica12856

 

The call occurred one Friday in October.
“Consultant wants to see you.”
“Can’t we talk by phone?” I asked.
“No. We need you to attend.
A nurse will be there, too.”

I knew, of course, my luck had gone.
Good news didn’t travel
quite this way.

“Stage 3 bowel cancer”
the diagnosis, came.
4 weeks til they cut me open.
Chopped half my colon out.

Yet blood leaks through such tumours.
They found me too anaemic, for the surgery.
During an iron transfusion I collapsed.
Caught a virus
in their waiting room.

Lungs congested, on the day.
Operation, thus,
delayed, another month.

More time to fret.

 

Finally
through December’s dark
at 6.45 (am)
I walked

across a rather quiet city
toward an opaque
destiny.
Amid those distant lights.

 

Taking in its sights.

 

Along

with the thought

of a slicing

blade.

 

Konica111739

 

 

 


 

 


 

 

Since being discharged from hospital, three days before Christmas 2021,
I’ve been writing a (first) novel.
Hadn’t quite realised how exhausting that would be.

Hence my absence from blogging.
Multitasking is hard for me. I feel a need for sticking obsessively at one thing.
Sadly, I haven’t written a poem since my last blog post.
I’m even anxious that moving back to poems might lose the flow of prose.
Its narrative arc, focus, and intensity.
Plus those inspirations for slogging away, trying to reach that distant summit,
of the word mountain.
(An actual end.)

As Cancer is my starsign, too, and birthday week has come around, again,
I thought to write a piece: explaining this extended absence, from WordPress.

I want to return to poetry, once the novel is finished.
Hopefully, before 2022 is over.

(I’m 27,000 words / 16 chapters in, so far. Past half way.
Slow progress. But my energy levels are low, due to chronic illness.)

 

Wishing a big

Thank You!

 

to all my followers. ❤️

I am very grateful for your patience.  🤗

 

I still log in (irregularly). Then, greatly enjoy other people’s writing, art, drawing, photography.
(And leaving likes.😄)

Sorry if this post seems tedious, yet I wished to update everyone on my situation,
rather than just let a long silence continue, unclarified.

I have not abandoned blogging, or poetry.
(Ab)Normal ramblings may even be resumed,
on here.
By winter time…

 

 

scan 22

 

Comments are always very welcome!  🌞

 

Bye for now!

 

 

 

(PS: Any art, or photography, on this blog is mine. Hope you like it? 🙏)

 


( anxiety / art / blog / blogging / drawing / illness / life / photography / poem / poems / poetry / prose / reading / writing )

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169 thoughts on “Cancer”

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your work on WordPress. Your poetry has really inspired me a lot, and I’m sure your novel will be just as interesting! Wish you the best with everything. – Cat Kydd

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Well done on writing 16 chapters of your book. That is amazing. It is going to be a very large book. I Co authored three books 📚 which were published in 2020 , 2021 & 2021 and I know how difficult it is writing. I am looking forward to your update once you publish your book. Congratulations.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Thank you Cate!🌞
        I’d reached chapter 19 (32,000 words) a few weeks ago.
        But my writing was suddenly interrupted by a death in the family,
        which has also kept me absent from WordPress.
        (I apologise for the lateness of this reply.)

        Like

  2. Please stay strong Ken. What happened to you sounds painful and you managed to make the pain of life sound so moving and poetic. My father had colon cancer. It was difficult for my mum to help clean the wound after surgery but so important to prevent infection. I wish you the very best going forward, take each day slowly at a time. I wish you hope and comfort always

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for those words, Desiree! 🌝
      I am sorry to hear about your father’s illness.

      Please forgive my late response:
      I meant to reply sooner, but plans were interrupted by an unexpected death in the family.
      This has resulted in my being absent from WordPress, for several weeks.

      Like

      1. Hi Ken you are most welcome

        Thank you he is well now though and I hope you will recover as well or at least feel better

        Thats ok i saw there were a lot of comments i thought i’d just send you some encouragement i didnt expect a reply ! It is very nice to hear from you though. My condolences for the loss of your family member. Recently i also attended a funeral of a family member. She was a nice lady who kept me company when i was sick

        I hope you will be ok you are in my thoughts and prayers 🙏🏼😊

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Ken, That’s a powerful poem.
    I am very sorry you have had to face this. Thank you for describing the experience that in one way or other we all recognize, or will.
    I use WordPress for my website and post my work as reinforcement and a record. What I didn’t expect were the connections, support and encouragement from other bloggers- the simple pleasure of seeing a like from someone who’s name or image one recognizes, but does not know.
    Thank you for your quiet encouragement. I wish you well and hope you continue to write and draw.
    Susan

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks, Susan!🌝
      Yes: it’s one of the best things about WordPress, these connections with other bloggers.

      (Please accept my apologies for the lateness of this reply, to you: 🙏
      An unexpected bereavement has kept me mainly offline, for the last few weeks.)

      Like

  4. Sorry you have been going through such a trial. You have a strong spirit which will aid your recovery.
    Interesting to hear about your novel. You seem well on the way.
    Finished mine over a year ago. 87,500 words. Unfortunately I think it is for a limited market as I wrote all the dialogue in Scots. Didn’t stop ‘Shuggy Bain’, but I think it took him decades to find a publisher! I am not compromising, however, as the dialect and register is how my characters would have spoken and it is not opaque.
    So, will be interested to hear how you get on when you finish.
    Get well soon!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Candia! 🌞
      Wow! That’s impressive. Don’t think I could manage 87,000 words.
      (Worried my novel could end up too short, actually.😟 It may not reach 50,000.)

      Unfortunately, when I had just passed 32,000 words, in August, an unexpected bereavement occurred.
      Haven’t felt able to focus on writing, since.

      (Please accept my apologies for this long delay in replying, to your comment:
      I’ve not been on WordPress in the last few weeks.
      Very preocccupied, dealing with the death, as next of kin, and only child.)

      Like

      1. Sorry that the Bard’s comment that troubles rarely come in single spies, but in battalions is proving to be so in your case at the moment.
        Bereavement on top of everything else is a hard cross to bear.
        Keep writing. Raw is authentic.

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Wishing you a speedy full recovery. beautiful writing! I’d be thrilled if you’d write a guest blog post for my site! My blog is for anyone who loves writing, books, and all the arts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, da-AL! 🌞
      Glad that you liked my work.

      Sorry for this delay in replying.
      Am not doing any writing at present.
      Have also been absent from WordPress, recently.
      (I’ve spent the last few weeks dealing with an unexpected death, and its consequences.
      My first time in such a situation: finding the process quite stressful.)

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Michael! 🌝
      I appreciate your support.

      Sorry this reply was delayed: I’ve been off WordPress for the last few weeks.
      (Due to an unexpected bereavement.)
      Can’t focus on writing, at present, either.
      But am hoping to restart, later.

      Like

  6. Sorry you went through that awful experience, and having to wait for a no show ambulance on top of it. Sounds like you made it through and are on the mend. It’s wonderful you are so motivated to write a book and stick with it. Many well wishes for your continued recovery and your novel!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Stay strong and get well again! As I know how a life with pain feels like I can imagine your struggle. Being creative sure is the best way to face such a challenge. I wish you all the strength it takes and much inspiration!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I am sorry, have not been on wordpress lately, just now read the post. Whenever i read your posts i wonder how you find the courage, the strength, it gives me resonance. the suffering that doesn’t makes sense. i hope you keep keeping on, Ken. The drawings are so poignant. I wish you find everything you need to keep on.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. god, i don’t even know what to say yet i have so much on my heart at the same time..

    so i’ll keep this short
    -this whole post really touched me, and i dont say that lightly.
    -both your writing and art i find so incredible, how personal they are inspires me so much.
    -I will be keeping you in my thoughts, i know that’s a very bland in genuine thing a lot of people say, but please know that i mean that, from the bottom of my heart.
    -I wish you the complete and absolute best with your novel, and all your creative, wonderful, works :o)! whether you choose to share them or not!

    wishing you all happiness Ken, truly ♥︎.
    -a fellow artist

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for your VERY kind comment! 🌝
      I’m glad you found the piece evocative.

      Sorry about this delay in replying.
      I have not been on WordPress for a while.

      (Frankly, life has taken an unexpected turn, recently,
      since my father was found dead, by police.
      As an only child, and next of kin, there are so many things to do, now.
      At present, I cannot focus on the novel, either.
      But hope to get back to it, later.)

      Best wishes to you. 🌻

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m so sorry to hear this, Ken 😕 And I am so glad you decided to share. Good for you, working on your novel. I hope it feeds you and keeps you focussed on the light at the end of the tunnel. I am sending you very positive, healing energy. Thanks SO much for visiting my blog so regularly. It means a lot…🙏💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Patti!🌞
      Unfortunately, progress with the novel has stalled, recently:
      after my father was found dead, by police.
      There is so much to sort out, at the moment.
      Can’t seem to concentrate on writing.

      Hope you are well.🙏

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Sorry to hear about the cancer Ken, my boss retired, then went through a similar thing, they did the operation then discharged him with a colostomy bag, which they said they would remove later, then didn’t – so he got that reversed privately – just thought Id pass that along in case its any use as info – hope the recovery & writing goes well!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Ogden!🌞
      Fortunately, I avoided needing a bag or chemo.
      Though it’s not been plain sailing: as I’ve had dental issues (requiring an extraction and 14 fillings);
      plus a painful four-month (ongoing) infection,
      then the recent death of my father, to deal with,
      all since having cancer surgery.

      (That’s on top of my pre-existing illnesses,
      which I thought were bad enough already, LOL!)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Gah, well at least you avoided the dreaded bag, I don’t think my old boss needed chemo, I thought it was pretty bad the NHS wouldn’t complete what they started, poor bloke would have been stuck like that for the rest of his life!
        lets hope its all good from now on!

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, for your encouraging words, Rosaliene! 🌞
      Yes: I’m hoping to get back to the novel, when my father’s estate is sorted out.
      (Sorry this reply has taken so long: I’ve not been on here in a while.)

      Like

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