The message

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An ancient code
long wove through
souls.

 

Its falling tremor
a veiled melody.

 

At times
barely heard.

 

As if
breaking

on distant shores.

 

Or sought
in old minds

beset
with
dismal thoughts.

(Like dark soil
chafed
by some goading
plough.

As heckling crows
caw down
from
the pointed wood.)

 

 

Though
still

a message
may come.

Scorning our rules.

 

(While men pretend

to have
understood.)

 

 

 

So
legends
are made

breathe.

 

In their
ageless

certainty.

 

 

 

Then carved.

 

 

Upon

wrinkled

stone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

(The poem above is a revision of one written when aged 23.
I find myself too ill for creating new poetry, at present.)

 


 

 

Impostor syndrome?

 

This blog passed 1,000 followers last week.ย  ๐ŸŽ‰
That appeared an unattainable total just a few months ago.

I am very grateful for all your support. ๐Ÿค—

 

Yet depression (which currently grips me) has triggered a sort of impostor syndrome.

My inner-critic’s voice sneers:
“Ha! Get a book published before calling yourself a “poet”!
And putting old stuff online, means you aren’t even a proper blogger, either!”

(With a psyche like mine, who needs enemies?)

 

Yes: Iย doย dream about being published, someday.
But have no idea how.
Or where to approach.

And when my symptoms are bad, I often end up feeling overwhelmed.
The energy required for self-promotion seems completely absent.

 

 

Does anybody else struggle against impostor syndrome?

Perhaps viewing themselves as a chronic amateur, among experienced bloggers?

Or imagining that others are “natural” writers, in ways one can’t match?

 

Comments are always VERY welcome!๐Ÿ™

 

Thank you
for reading.๐Ÿ™‚

 

(Art on the blog is mine: I hope you like it?)

 


(anxiety / art / blog / blogging / depression / drawing / life / mental health / poem /poems / poetry / reading / thoughts / writing )

218 thoughts on “The message”

  1. Love your poetry and your artwork. You are definitely a poet. You moved me.
    Do write some more.
    I just google poetry publishers and look for people who are accepting work.
    You could source an agent though Writer’s and Artist’s yearbook?
    You can publish on medium.com for free and payment is in dollars -not much but it gives an idea of what works and what people like to read.
    Submitting work to publications like The Pom and Publishing Well and Catharsis( in Medium) enters you into a community of other poets-which I at least find supporting.
    Good Luck

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Imposter syndrome lurks at the core of most artists I believe, it’s even possibly needed to make us push ourselves enough to wring out the best. Dark and miserable an experience as it can be. And I personally find this poem in ‘the best’ category Ken. The spacing works so well, it’s part of the art, the sculpture in a way that builds the poem. If you get me?

    ‘On my blog you can take a break from relentless positivity, to indulge your inner lostness.’ – How could I not follow follow you after reading this?! Hahahaha I love it. I have a fair amount of the lost on the Cloud myself.

    I’ve written my book, I’m illustrating it at present, and that’s as far as the artist in me goes as I’m quite clueless with any kind of marketing or the technical side of book publishing. I have a friend helping me who has been published and is also self-publishing so I’ll pass on any tips as I go along.

    – Esmeralda Cloud tipping her hat

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you for your lovely comment, Esme!๐ŸŒž
      (Sorry about the slight delay: WordPress hid it in “spam”.๐Ÿ˜ฏ)
      I’m grateful for those supportive words, and glad you liked my work.

      Hope things go well with the book!๐Ÿคž๐Ÿป

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Your poem reads well, good timing and pace, dark subject. I hear you on not being able to write poetry, it’s been a month for me, but I think I am back on it. If you want to publish in the traditional manner, I suggest you start submitting poems to some of the small journals of poetry to get some credits you can use when approaching a book publisher. If, like me, you have piles of old work, start with that. Writer’s Digest publishes a poetry publishing guide every year with presses and contacts. Personally, I prefer to publish on my blog as the poetry market is weak at best and seldom pays. Good luck and keep writing.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for the helpful feedback and advice, William!๐Ÿ˜Š
      Having once gone 13 years unable to write a poem, a few months gap is normal for me.
      But there’s always a concern about losing inspiration.

      And yes: sending poems to journals is a good idea.
      Though, feeling old and ill, I worry time may be against me going that route:
      compared to self-publishing.

      (PS: WordPress hid your comment in the spam: it seems to be doing this a lot, recently.)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. If you want to self publish you could do it through Amazon Kindle Direct for an ebook or through their Createspace program for print. You would have to do a lot of your own promotion though if you expect any sales. Some people do make it big self-publishing, so hey, do what you can.

        Liked by 3 people

  4. Good for you… don’t listen to that little snake on your shoulder. Go for it.
    I publish my own poetry… Copy it to word all poems to one sequential file… make a table of contents and a cover page… Put it into pdf. format and take it to Office Max or Depot and they will print it for you and bind it with spiral binding and plastic protector covers. Get twenty or more for around $10/each in all black and white and 100 pages. Pass it out to family and friends! There is no money in it. Just the satisfaction and appreciation!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Keep at it Ken -the poet is ever present your poems are timeless -don’t let your brain dictate the energy flows of your BodyMind -keep writing, it releases pain and suffering. Every communication is a blessing to someone.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. Hello Ken,
    I like the drawing of the green building. It actually looks like something, unlike some of my drawings.
    I hope you feel better soon and hopefully a publisher will notice your blog and want to publish some of your work. That’s what i’m hoping for.
    Good luck ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 3 people

    1. How wonderful to hear from you, Devika!๐Ÿ˜Š
      I love your work, and feel honoured that you appreciate mine.

      (Sorry for the slightly delayed response:
      Wordpress hid your comment in “spam”, so I only just found it.
      The computer seems to be doing this a lot, recently.
      I’ve no idea why.๐Ÿ™ƒ)

      Like

  7. I absolutely feel how you do Ken.
    It’s like you peeked into my brain and read my thoughts.
    Stay strong. We all, I believe, have felt that way, at some point.
    Keep smiling U r talented.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Poetry is like visual art in some ways. We hope to be recognized but it might not happen, especially if like me, you just don’t have the right personality for marketing yourself. I gave up on the art world. I can’t compete even though I think I have some talent. WordPress is more supportive than the “real”world. Keep up the good work and you will feel better just for that one reason, that you can write and express yourself. Not everyone can do that.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Chris! ๐ŸŒž
      Yes: I get what you mean about self marketing.
      Perhaps that’s why some writers pay agents to do promotional stuff for them?
      (Not that I know much about it, frankly.)

      PS: Sorry for the delayed response: WordPress keeps putting new comments in the “spam”, recently.
      So I don’t see any notifications.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Hi. A former teacher of mine wrote that a writer is what one calls oneself, and a poet is what one aspires to. Call yourself what works for you. Speaking for all the women who once couldn’t get published but were still widely read, don’t sell yourself short, OK? I know illness colors these things for us. Someone I love also deals with a chronic one. I wish you continued success and much well-being.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. I like your writing and you are a wonderful artist! Wish you more power.
    Also, if you want, you can check websites on the internet who keep looking out for writers to be a part of their books and anthologies.
    I came across one called splitpoetry.com recently. You can check out if you are interested.
    Take care!

    Liked by 3 people

  11. Just write about the thing in front of you. That we are here now is the important part. Everyone’s voice must be heard. If you’re really down write about the monitor you’re looking at. Having rage is akin to having love; that little flame keeps us alive, even in our addictions.

    Without attachments or passion implies the potential for a state of apathy.Then, like the little dandelion, one detaches one from everything and just floats. There’s got to be something we care about personally!

    One breath at a time and, like a giant entangled sea of wounded beings floating on a sea of unbeingness, may we stay afloat a little longer on this earth. All is Inshallah- G-d’s will, the manifestation of infinity attraction of the boson field; our soul’s chose our postcards.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I want to publish a book, know a few who have self-published… but I know what you mean about self-promotion. I have just emerged from a dark night of the soul and am pushing my way out of these depressive chemicals too.

    Liked by 2 people

  13. I suffer from anxiety depression for many years now, and impostor syndrome seems almost like every day life to me now… I totally understand how you feel. That’s why when I talk to people I never say I’m a poet or writer or a blogger, cause I don’t really believe it, and of course because I don’t have any degree or certification or any experience… But, at the end I think to myself, does it really matter? All that matters to me is to unburden my mind and soul somehow, and if that happens writing words so be it, even if I’m not a poet, I really don’t care anymore. I really wish for you to get better every day and to be able to publish, I’m sure you will!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Vallia! ๐ŸŒ
      I am sorry to learn you have experienced this.
      It often seems that talented people suffer greater self-doubt.

      Thinking about it, I don’t feel impostor syndrome so much as a poet, but more as a writer and blogger.
      Perhaps because art and poetry were activities I began in childhood,
      while trying to blog is a recent thing (which I’m not very successful at).

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I see what you mean… I only have blog since last June and already I feel lost in all of this, I’m not a blogger… But I really believe in you cause I’ve seen your work and it is wonderful!!! So keep on doing the things you love the most, and in time you will be better and better in blogging!! ๐Ÿ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  14. While this is an older post, I just joined the blogging world. Imposter syndrome resonates with me. At the time this was originally published, I was throwing the towel in on submitting my first article for publication from my, then recent, dissertation. I had a supportive chair but revisions were emotionally crippling. I still don’t have the courage to look at it again and believe I have thoroughly disappointed a valued mentor. Thus confirming my negative self perception. … and so it goes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you!๐ŸŒ
      I’m sorry to hear of your experience with imposter syndrome.
      I have it mainly as a blogger, rather than as a poet (which feels more natural to me).
      Though I think such tendencies can also connect to something potentially worse
      (may write about this in a future post): namely, self-sabotage.

      Like

      1. Your poetry conveys a sense of experience to me, phenomena. That is art. I look forward to your further insights. Self-sabotage has definitely been in my bag of tricks. I find contemplative practices, including drawing and journal writing, helpful.

        Liked by 1 person

  15. Lovely writing Ken. Iโ€™m sorry to hear you are not well at the moment. Iโ€™m not familiar with imposter syndrome but suffer with the Black Dog syndrome. Depression is debilitating. Do feel better soon my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Holly! ๐ŸŒž
      How lovely to hear from you.

      As for imposter syndrome, it partly links to perceptions about my first three years on WordPress.
      Where I viewed myself as a hopeless failure, at blogging.
      Then, when my stats suddenly improved a bit (last Summer) they clashed with that negative self image.

      Hope you are well.๐Ÿ™

      Liked by 1 person

  16. The language you’ve used is simply gorgeous. And the space between each image accentuates the sentiment. I particularly love: Its falling tremor / a veiled melody, and As heckling crows caw down from the pointed wood ๐Ÿ‘Œ๐Ÿ’•โ˜€๏ธ

    Liked by 2 people

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