Through fat and thin






Perhaps I was meant to be fat?

Always waking hungry
craving breakfast as
a start.

And done digesting that
strong appetite
for lunch.

After eating this
extended sluggishness
dragged on.

Until an evening meal

spread need
of rest

then sleep.


imagined workouts

all postponed.

To days

never came.






Since writing the above lines, in 1981, I continued avoiding the gym.

Later, chronic illness deterred exercise.
Yet I remained fairly slim.
Until around 2014.

Once consulted, doctors said expanding waist size often happened during “middle age”.

Next, an unusual type of vertigo attacked.
The scales went into reverse.
Whatever I ate, weight loss persisted. Alarmingly fast.

(From peaking at 87kg (192lbs/13.9) I dropped 27kg (60lbs): to 60kg (130lbs/9.2).)

By 2015, very weak, it became harder lifting my feet.
I began shuffling along.

A few people wondered if I was dying.
(Such thoughts also worried me.)

A test revealed severe pancreatic insufficiency.
I had been wasting away due to malnutrition.
Literally starving.
Because my stomach failed at digesting food.

Doctors focussed on this skinny state.

Though I haven’t gained the weight back, despite years of enzyme supplements.


There are positive sides:

Being nearer a semi-goth look.
Without makeup.

My cheekbones show more.
I quite like them.

School uniform could fit again.


So, that’s something.

As an M.E./CFS sufferer
(across three decades)
I’ve moved from ill and fat.

To ill and thin.


Thin seems better.




I’d sooner be well.








Hi everyone!

Frankly, I felt too sick and depressed for blogging, this week.
But, didn’t want to give in, and miss a chance of interacting with you all.
So decided on posting, anyway.

Comments are always VERY welcome! πŸ™

Art on the blog is mine. Hope you like it?

Thanks for reading. πŸ™‚

( Anxiety / art / beauty / blog / depression / illness / life / mental health / poem / poetry / reading / thoughts / writing )


13 thoughts on “Through fat and thin”

    1. Thank you, Larisa!
      My vertigo is probably not as bad as yours, since it’s rarely the spinning kind (which I dread),
      but more like being on a fairground ride, or a moving walkway, I can’t get off.
      Feelings of falling/sinking into the ground/having the floor move sideways/being on a waterbed/etc.
      These can become quite mild and gentle, though always there, to some extent.
      I’ve gotten used to such sensations over the years. On good days, I can almost ignore them.
      Their habit of changing, from one moment to the next, however, provokes an underlying unsteadiness and anxiety.
      And they can flare up, at any time, in scary ways.


  1. I am glad you didn’t give in, Ken. I hope you are doing well.
    Also I loved the artwork. It’s a little different than your usual ones I feel. I reallly liked it !

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Harshada!
      Yes: quite perceptive of you! πŸ‘
      That painting was done many years after most of the ones you have commented on.
      (I thought it looked organic enough to fit with the post’s theme of internal processes.)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Thin is better than fat. Why? Because, when you are thin people sympathise including the doctors. When you are fat, they are like…You are FAT as if you don’t know. Columbus! Good, you recovered from thin, thinner or not so thin after all.Good work πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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