Wouldn’t a compassionate god enjoy releasing souls from Hell
rather than prolonging their pain?
This question abruptly occurred in my head
though having no source of reply.
And even if it had
I anticipated some intellectual resistance
toward simple explanations
(anyone might understand those).
My mind soon turned to dwell upon
more personal concerns.
How totally love shunned me
yet I still attracted hate
(at times not really knowing why).
Being especially wary once such feelings stirred
perhaps provoking hostile action beyond
given dispositions lacking thought.
Lives can be ruined
amid crowded city stresses
where excess noise
also amplifies mistrust.
is the frequency ill-will
while people I desire to see are
rarely met again.
I call it: “The nemesis of antipathy”.
My problem isn’t staying
quietly in my room
but finding neighbours
to do the same.
These were my last lines from 2007.
Drug dealers moved in below me. A nightmare began.
Three months of harassment, threats, and floor-vibrating din, later:
I had been driven out, after 15 years.
Nerves shattered, I ended-up in an old people’s home, on medical grounds.
But by then I was so sensitised to intrusive electronic sound that the TV and radio noise coming through the walls kept causing symptoms.
I felt trapped; grew depressed and suicidal.
Not until I transferred to my current flat, which took 3 distressing years (in 2010), could I manage any more writing…
(All art on the blog is mine: I hope you like it. Comments are very welcome!
Thank you for reading.)
( anxiety / art / depression / drawing / hate / life / lostness / love / mental health / philosophy / poetry / thoughts / writing )