Hidden soundtrack

 

 

Konica1026

 

 

 

Lostness   (76)

 

 

 

Perhaps they had it wrong about Creators?

We might explain life more
picturing deities who
enjoy our suffering.

 

Yet
at libraries
I also browsed the “Spirit” shelf
as if searching after absent recompense
for my inherent maladaptation.

 

Amid thought’s discomfort then
considering an idea:

that one should give up attempted penetration
to instead remain
upon the surfaces of things
in vigilant shallowness.

Turned away from metaphysics
(like old repressions around sex)
struggling toward silence
over words best left unsaid

Avoided through aseptic logic
plus therapeutic strategies

Suspecting any opaque realms
by their obscure interiority

So preferring drawing blank
across a latent soul’s
unquiet desire.

 

 

But behind this
later linked

the recollecting
out of childhood

first remembered moral rules
learnt round shouts or stress
(bound to problems with authority)

A mental voice which sneered
its covert verdict:

“You can never be punished enough

for the crime
of existing.”

 

 

Harshness lives inside me
calling primal curses down
introjected before reason
could reply.

Lodged adjoining endless shame
where hostility can
displace love.

 

Now I come to no relationship
unscathed.

 

While
beneath these lines

lying

still unheard

 

that hidden soundtrack

of rage

 

and stifled
cries.

 

 

 

 

(2002)

 

 


 

 

 

(Art on the blog is mine. I hope you like it. Comments are welcome.)

 

 

 


 

 

 

(art/books/culture/depression/drawing/lostness/mental health/poem/poetry/thoughts/writing)

6 thoughts on “Hidden soundtrack”

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